Lewis & Clark is Not My Community [RHMS]

I love Lewis & Clark College. I really do. I just don't feel like I belong with the majority of other students. Upon discussing community in class this past week, I don't find myself belonging to any community, whether it may be here or back home. I do have a few strong bonds of social support, but those relationships don't overlap with each other. Last fall was my first semester at LC. I was confident I would make friends. I mean, I'm not an unlikable person. However, I was so concerned with making friends (as everyone else was) I couldn't find genuine friendships.

After a few weeks I found that many people weren't who they initially portrayed themselves to be, and I was turned off. Despite my efforts, I wasn't able to make many new friends. For all of freshman year, I really only had one person on campus who I could confide in from time to time. Other than that, I knew faces and names, but our friendship didn't go any farther than a half-assed wave in passing. I was extremely grateful to have my older sister as another confidant. I would often spend hours on the phone crying, laughing, and venting to her about how lonely, isolated, and depressed I was.

Things got better, and now, in my sophomore year, I find myself in the same position. The difference is, I really don't mind being alone. In fact, I usually prefer it. I have acquaintances and can have small talk, but there are still very few people I am closely bonded with. I am happier now being content with spending time with myself rather than trying to fit into a community that I can only relate to, not belong to. I mean, I wouldn't mind being in a community, but I guess I don't mind not being in a community either.

Also, here's a photo I took downtown last year. I used to hop on the Pio almost every day and walk around because the city made me feel less lonely than campus. Also, flowers are just nice to look at. So there ya go.